I have decided to accurately name the jello-bean sweets according to what they actually taste like, and not the origin of the by-products used to flavour them(like oranges, insecticides and pigeon poop). No need for any panic, I know we have all been fooled for many years and are shocked to find ourselves in this vulnerable, exploited state, but I assure you, as an expert of the field, I will set these hideously deceptive flavour names straight!
Tangerine sandles:
If the name of this flavour doesn't give you enough of a clue as to what kind of jellybeans your going to find in this packet, nothing will.
This particular flavour has a strong nose associating to old leather and a hint of toejam accompanied by a dry but pleasing tangerine flavour.
Green apple pie:
Here the jellybean munufaturers obviously attempted apple, but failed to fool the smarter, better trained tongues of our era...
Liquorice wrapper:
Not enough flavour to fill the entire bean, but enough to feel like your licking the inside of a 3day old licquorice all-sorts bag to get a bad taste out of your mouth...
French kiss:
Yes its my favourite, although I'm not likely to just let anyone have it...
Watermelon fight:
This one is fairly self-explanatory, the watermelon flavour you expected, along with a surprizing amount of dirt and gravel, and the occasional twig which serves as a reminder to your childhood days when your watermelon slice, after falling on the ground and being handed back to you, doesn't taste the same anymore...
Orange sherbet:
Its dry and powdery and sticky when it gets on your hair...also has a burny-throat aftertaste I find slightly displeasing...
Lemonade:
Obviously its just not right to sell lemon flavoured candy...it wouldn't be called sweets anymore, because its just too damn sour! So then they water-down the lemon and add heaps of sugar so that a lemon flavoured bean is still sweet...but you didn't consider the consequences, Spongebob! Its not lemon flavour anymore, what did you think it would be?its lemonade you moron!!
Prestick:
An attempt at bubblegum is better than no attempt at all... I must say prestick does not taste that bad.
Popcorn:
Fuck knows what they were attempting here...I can't imagine they made a popcorn jellybean on purpose?!
Fuckberry:
Sometimes jellybean flavours don't match any real thing we have in the world and therefore the creation of a new flavour name.: the fuckberry (applause)
Strawberry daiquiri:
Strawberries(like the strawberry flavour) have a very short shelf life and letting it stand for too long before infusing it with the jellybean ingredients can cause fermenting...
Island style:
This jellybean name was considered politically incorrect as all islands in the world do not share flavours...therefore this is just a rough guide to their flavour of preference or the style to which they make jellybean flavours...
Chocolate cake:
I was torn between chocolate cake and chocolate brownies, but decided to go with cake seeing as some people associate brownies with weed.
Holiday:
Strong coconut flavours mixed with a lingering sweetness caused by the preservatives no doubt, as the coconut flavour does not mask it sufficiently
Peach bikini:
That dry-mouth sweaty-palms taste you get in your mouth when you see a naked girl walking straight toward you on the beach and then she isn't naked...
NoseBleed:
Very similar to peach bikini, except with a slightly more metallic taste and a much more red-blotchy appearance. Probably unintended...
Fireworks:
Colourful appearance, amazing show...can be used to scare off animals of various kinds...
Pigeon poop:
Once again, this could not have been intentional...but I'm sure none of you are really aware of what pigeonpoop tastes like...dunk the jellybean in a fresh one and you'll see for yourself-no flavour change!
Pina Colada:
Increacing amounts of alcohol being made public despite that jellybeans are mainly sold to children...
Stripper pole:
Again with the kids being the main jellybean consumers "Mommy, what's a stripperpole?" it just opens up a trail of thought that really shouldn't be there yet!
Puke:
They may have used a variety of flavours to pinpoint this one or maybe only two, but I'm sure they used too much alcohol flavouring. Regardless of what they used, it still tastes as though it came out through the enterance
Cherry chapstick:
Supposed cherry flavour coveres in layers of sticky vaseline...the annoyingly sticking to your teeth when it was supposed to stay on your lips.
And now that you know what you're really tasting... Will you want it again?
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