Weirdest Jellybean Flavours Ever!

I have decided to accurately name the jello-bean sweets according to what they actually taste like, and not the origin of the by-products used to flavour them(like oranges, insecticides and pigeon poop). No need for any panic, I know we have all been fooled for many years and are shocked to find ourselves in this vulnerable, exploited state, but I assure you, as an expert of the field, I will set these hideously deceptive flavour names straight!

Tangerine sandles:

If the name of this flavour doesn't give you enough of a clue as to what kind of jellybeans your going to find in this packet, nothing will.
This particular flavour has a strong nose associating to old leather and a hint of toejam accompanied by a dry but pleasing tangerine flavour.

Green apple pie:

Here the jellybean munufaturers obviously attempted apple, but failed to fool the smarter, better trained tongues of our era...

Liquorice wrapper:

Not enough flavour to fill the entire bean, but enough to feel like your licking the inside of a 3day old licquorice all-sorts bag to get a bad taste out of your mouth...

French kiss:

Yes its my favourite, although I'm not likely to just let anyone have it...

Watermelon fight:

This one is fairly self-explanatory, the watermelon flavour you expected, along with a surprizing amount of dirt and gravel, and the occasional twig which serves as a reminder to your childhood days when your watermelon slice, after falling on the ground and being handed back to you, doesn't taste the same anymore...

Orange sherbet:

Its dry and powdery and sticky when it gets on your hair...also has a burny-throat aftertaste I find slightly displeasing...

Lemonade:

Obviously its just not right to sell lemon flavoured candy...it wouldn't be called sweets anymore, because its just too damn sour! So then they water-down the lemon and add heaps of sugar so that a lemon flavoured bean is still sweet...but you didn't consider the consequences, Spongebob! Its not lemon flavour anymore, what did you think it would be?its lemonade you moron!!

Prestick:

An attempt at bubblegum is better than no attempt at all... I must say prestick does not taste that bad.

Popcorn:

Fuck knows what they were attempting here...I can't imagine they made a popcorn jellybean on purpose?!

Fuckberry:

Sometimes jellybean flavours don't match any real thing we have in the world and therefore the creation of a new flavour name.: the fuckberry (applause)

Strawberry daiquiri:

Strawberries(like the strawberry flavour) have a very short shelf life and letting it stand for too long before infusing it with the jellybean ingredients can cause fermenting...

Island style:

This jellybean name was considered politically incorrect as all islands in the world do not share flavours...therefore this is just a rough guide to their flavour of preference or the style to which they make jellybean flavours...

Chocolate cake:

I was torn between chocolate cake and chocolate brownies, but decided to go with cake seeing as some people associate brownies with weed.

Holiday:

Strong coconut flavours mixed with a lingering sweetness caused by the preservatives no doubt, as the coconut flavour does not mask it sufficiently

Peach bikini:

That dry-mouth sweaty-palms taste you get in your mouth when you see a naked girl walking straight toward you on the beach and then she isn't naked...

NoseBleed:

Very similar to peach bikini, except with a slightly more metallic taste and a much more red-blotchy appearance. Probably unintended...

Fireworks:

Colourful appearance, amazing show...can be used to scare off animals of various kinds...

Pigeon poop:

Once again, this could not have been intentional...but I'm sure none of you are really aware of what pigeonpoop tastes like...dunk the jellybean in a fresh one and you'll see for yourself-no flavour change!

Pina Colada:

Increacing amounts of alcohol being made public despite that jellybeans are mainly sold to children...

Stripper pole:

Again with the kids being the main jellybean consumers "Mommy, what's a stripperpole?" it just opens up a trail of thought that really shouldn't be there yet!

Puke:

They may have used a variety of flavours to pinpoint this one or maybe only two, but I'm sure they used too much alcohol flavouring. Regardless of what they used, it still tastes as though it came out through the enterance

Cherry chapstick:

 Supposed cherry flavour coveres in layers of sticky vaseline...the annoyingly sticking to your teeth when it was supposed to stay on your lips.

And now that you know what you're really tasting... Will you want it again?

iPods: The very bad, Bad parts...

Now now, don't judge the entire post just because of it's title... i am certainly a fan of the iPod. I'm sure there isn't a sane, educated person out there whom is not a fan of the invention, but there are definitely drawbacks that suck a lot. Like singing along in public or getting electrocuted because of your semi-addiction to caffeine...

One fine example is how i showed off the verbosity of my bowels... I was in Star Buck’s one morning and having had baked beans on toast for the previous night's lazy dinner I found myself desperately needing to let go ( fart ). The music was really loud so I timed it with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel better...

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me...............????
Then it struck me...........

I was listening to my iPod
Needless to say, I don't go to that Starbucks anymore...

I never seem to get the multitasking thing quite right either...

I was talking to a friend in the park, the inane blaring of someone's back seat sub-woofer so loud that struggled to consentrate n the conversation!

As whiped my whead around and yelled at the maniac"turn down your fucking music!"
I then realized I had my ipod headphones in thanks to the wire catching around my neck
There were blank stares from every other person in the park (except for a grey french poodle looking utterly content while lifting his leg against a homeless man's newspaper-blankets)

The electrocution due to coffee was a load of crap...don't know when or how i came up with that, but hey it got your attention! ...And i also had to stick it in to make sure you don't consider ts post entirely true, because obviously i do not fart in public...

or do anything remotely embarrassing... EVER!!!!

Sam's Shift

I live in a small town, and even here we have overcrowding, rush-hour, and stampedes(just much smaller than yours, ok!). It bothers me that none of the idiots in parliament(not just in SA but internationally) have thought of changing the time-layout to include the other 18 hours on the clock!

Right now one guy, let's call him Sam, is employed to cut chunks of metal into pretty little Mercedes Stars...He works 08:00 - 17:00 Monday to Saturday and does not have a wife/girlfriend/overly-caring mother to do his shopping for him...yup, he is just a normal single workaholic...but the problem lies here:
Sam runs out of toilet paper and floss every once in a while, but seeing as his local grocer is religious, he has to sign a leave form everytime he needs to run out for an errand... Long story short- Sam never has holidays because he uses up all his leave before it can pile up...how sad.

Right so here's my solution:
Sam works 08:00 - 16:00 Monday-Friday
Joe works 16:00 - 00:00 Monday-Friday
Ann works 00:00 - 08:00 Monday-Friday
And they all work the same position(around the clock shifts)
By increasing the company's operative hours from the average of 54 hours per workspace weekly to 120 hours production rate speeds up to more than twice as fast...working on Saturdays would no longer be necessary!

I know its not the first time this brainchild is aired. The system works perfectly in New York and Tokyo...and on mines around the world, but why not everywhere, with every trade known to mankind? We all need jobs, and Sam needs toilet paper and floss for fuck's sake!

Obviously we are talking large scale here. Its not Just Sam who's job is increased 3 fold and then divided between 3 people. Its everyone's! Grocers, Restaurants, And with the new 24 hour system, every employee will be able to do their shopping on their own time. Traffic flow will improve, crowding and queuing will be a thing of the past! Seeing as the human population just keeps growing, what other choice do we have ...I mean except for culling the sickly, criminal and uneducated like we cull elephants, bears and stray pets?