The Original Ginger

Love 'em, hate 'em...These are the only people whom have hair that wil never blend into their natural surroundings...allow me to introduce the Ginger!

The Ginger: known to all mankind as the flame-head, red-head, or that hot-tempered girl whom works in the finance department but never really does finance...it can be spotted from a distance by it's bright mane and serious lack of understanding when it comes to the ginger concept...it looks like its on fire, but there's no smoke-this is the cause of wide-spread confusion in the human society

The Ginger Concept: the theory that Gingers were brought to the earth by an alien race and are in fact not entirely human...they are often placed in their very own catagory with their own personalised brand of cats (ginger cats)

The Ginga-Ninja: any ginger whom is brave enough to allow the world to see it's true nature by eXposing the colour of their hair folicles, is known as a ginga-ninja...it takes more courage for a ginger to expose itself than it takes a pizza delivery guy to charge a rhino head-on!

The Ginger-Hugger: a tree hugger that pretends to be indifferent toward the social standards and regulations of gingers...ie. They pretend to like red-heads.

The Ginger Bread Man: a religious symbol whorshipped by all gingers(whether or not they like to admit it to a human)...baked and decorated all year round but always in secret in fear that a human might come across and eat their gingerbread men...they also have an involuntary hiccup reflex when they see humans eating their(or another ginger's) gingerbread man...

Ginger Beer: a substance secreted by gingers during exercise (the equivalent of human sweat)...it is better not to try stealing gingerbeer from gingers...it is thought to have a very unstable chemical balance and might annihilate at the slightest change in pressure if not handled by a ginger. Gingerbeer is the main fuel in the undisclosed weapon of mass destruction which the US claimed was being kept in Iraq...

Ginger cats: any regular cat which has undergone genetic mutation(which can only be accomplished by a gingerbread man whorshipper or red-head) to take on a similar colour...this is a very likely sight as red-heads are supporting ginger cats in their mission to take over the cat world!

G-string: another one of the inventions brought into the world by gingers. An utterly unusable contraption to any normal human, but gingers prefer wearing them as undergarments, much like the humans wear knickers and briefs...

The G-spot: the human concept of climax is sadly unattainable to gingers, therefore they created the illusion of a g-spot which gives them the false hope that if the exact spot is touched they will experience an orgasm...to ease the disappointment, they just tell themselves that the g-spot is constantly out of reach...

Ginger: a herb often used to flavour curries or tea, aid in weightloss and digestion and sliced into bath water to help revitelize the skin.

Stoney: legalized trade of watered-down ginger beer to keep humans from seeking out and stealing real gingerbeer.

The abovementioned is not a work of fiction, think twice US! You do not want to find that can of gingerbeer!!!

Shit Happens

Taoism: if you understand shit, it isn't shit.

Hinduism: this shit happened before.

Confucianism: Confucious say 'shit happens'.

Buddhism: shit will happen to you again.

7th day Adventist: shit happens on Saturdays.

Zen: What is the sound of ahit happening?

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Sikhism: leave our shit alone.

Jehova's witness: Knock knock. Shit happens.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit!

Agnosticism: can you prove that shit happens?

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: shit happens, amen to that.

Judaism: why does shit always happen to us?

Orthodox Judaism: so shit happens, already.

Televangelism: send money, or shit will happen to you.

Rastafarianism: let's smoke this shit.

Hare Krishna: shit happens, rama rama ding ding.

Nation of Islam: don't take no shit.

New Age: visualize shit happening.

Shintoism: you inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Hedonism: I love it when shit happens.

Satanism: sneppah this.

Capitalism: this is MY shit.

Feminism: men are shit!

Unitarian: what is this shit?

Existentialism: what is shit, anyway?

Scientology: if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137

Mormonism: Shit happens again and again and again.

Mysticism: This is really weird shit.

Voodoo: shit doesn't just happen, we make it happen!

Wicca: you can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.

Disneyism: bad shit doesn't happen here.

Communism: let's share the shit.

Marxism: you've got nothing to lose but your shit.

Conspiracy Theorism: THEY shit on us!

Psycho-Analysis: tell me about your shit.

Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.

Armish: Modern shit is useless.

Suicidal: I've had enough of this shit

Optimism: shit won't happen to me!

Trekism: to boldly shit where no-one has shit before.

Shakespearean: to shit or not to shit, that is the question.

Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

Terrorism: let's blow this shit up!

Freud: shit is a phallic symbol.

Lawyers: for enough money, I can get you out of shit.

Acupuncturists: hold still or this will hurt like shit.

Pharmacists: this will get your shit going.

Teachers: by the time I'm done with you, you will be able to shit linear equations!

Students: detention sucks like shit

Surgeons: stitch that shit up!

Electricians: shit goes off, shit goes on.

Plumbers: I'll get rid of your shit.

Politically-correct: internally processed, nutritionally-drained output happens.

Dog: I just shit in your shoe.

Cat: dogs are shit.

Mouse: Oh shit! a cat!

Einstein: shit is relative.

Newton: this shit is heavy!

Family Gathering: relatives are shit.

Materialism: whoever dies with the most shit wins!

Vegetarianism: if it shits then I don't eat it.

Fatalism: shit! Its going to happen!

Environmentalism: shit is biodegradable.

Americanism: who gives a shit.

Statistician: shit is 84.7% likely to happen.

Hip-hop: motherfucker this is the shiznit beatch!

Tantrism: fuck this shit.

Cynicism: we are all full of shit.

Surrealism: fish happens