First of all I’d like to apologise to all my millions of fans out there. I know i havent been blogging for a while, and i guess you’re lives must’ve been miserable without me...
Dispite this inane silence there has been an unusal amount of excitement in my life not necessary alot more, or less than is the norm, just an unusal amount-many ne topics of discussion. The first of which is my pathetically incompetent phone.
you must understand that i am an adroid fan, lover, whorshipper, call it what you want, but being without it is painfull and unnecessary. a little while ago however, through a strange chain of events, i wound up with a phone not meant for me at all...
In order to save myself from a potential court case i cannot tell you the brand, nor the model of the piece of crap involved...so let's just call it a Strawberry 99thousand, ok?
so my old phone used to basically think FOR me, it woke me up every morning telling me what was going to happen in terms of sport, weather and my schedule. It used to remind me of events and it was in the process of teaching me how to cook real food- REAL FOOD-not soggy noodles and a luke-warm packet of baked beans...data was organized and accessable, uploading my latest poetry was effortless(and you know the words were all just for you my beloved old phone!)we were meant to be together forever. through the good and bad, making the planet a better place by organising the life of one dangerously forgetfull airhead. I could even conect to my parents wifi without them knowing and download porn(that was actually a slight addiction my old phone had) we were happy, and then he crashed.
My life came apart at the seams.
i was alone
i needed to replace him with something that would be able to complete me the way he did
but instead the only thing i found was something that would give me unlimited free internet...
i leapt at the incleadible opportunity!
now i realise i fell in shit.
This Strawberry might have granted me a cheaper sociality but it does not wake my up with te waether and sport, intead i hear a steamboat hoot as it charges me down out of dreamland and i find myself standing at the other end of the passage!
this adds an alarm clock to my shopping list.
the spellcheck is set to multi-ligual, which is great for multi-lingual people, not for me.
i have an autocorrect that gets me in trouble on the few occasions that it doesnt embarrass me. Errors include:
Groente (instead of Groete in afrikaans)
dat (instead of that)
DAT (instead of the average non-capitalized dat)
Dan (instead of than - again with the immortal capital letter D)
Green things (instead of Greetings)
jags -which means horny in afrikaans (instead of jugs)
socks -this word is just inserted into conversations randomly not replacing any other word, whether improperly or similary spelled or not...
NE (instead of ne)
and last but not least:
lesbian (instead of leaving) which is not very cool when you text one of your girlfriends saying your coming over for the weekend and your LEAVING after 4pm...
she was terrified of me that weekend...
the crappy Strawberry also has the knack of sensoring my english conversations with swear words from other lanuages...how dare he!
Fuck is often replaced with fok, fokk, fokkit, fokket, fokker, fokken, fokkin, forgery, forfeit, fcuck, fcuk, fook, fock, flock, fork, fornicate, joder, naai, neuken, neuk, opfok, fokjo, foku etc etc
i get annoyed with this as i prefer swearing in english...
Moral of the story: Droids eat strawberrys with meusli for fucking breakfast!
Chuck Norris uses Android too...
