Shit Happens

Taoism: if you understand shit, it isn't shit.

Hinduism: this shit happened before.

Confucianism: Confucious say 'shit happens'.

Buddhism: shit will happen to you again.

7th day Adventist: shit happens on Saturdays.

Zen: What is the sound of ahit happening?

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Sikhism: leave our shit alone.

Jehova's witness: Knock knock. Shit happens.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit!

Agnosticism: can you prove that shit happens?

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: shit happens, amen to that.

Judaism: why does shit always happen to us?

Orthodox Judaism: so shit happens, already.

Televangelism: send money, or shit will happen to you.

Rastafarianism: let's smoke this shit.

Hare Krishna: shit happens, rama rama ding ding.

Nation of Islam: don't take no shit.

New Age: visualize shit happening.

Shintoism: you inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Hedonism: I love it when shit happens.

Satanism: sneppah this.

Capitalism: this is MY shit.

Feminism: men are shit!

Unitarian: what is this shit?

Existentialism: what is shit, anyway?

Scientology: if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137

Mormonism: Shit happens again and again and again.

Mysticism: This is really weird shit.

Voodoo: shit doesn't just happen, we make it happen!

Wicca: you can make shit happen, but shit will happen to you three times.

Disneyism: bad shit doesn't happen here.

Communism: let's share the shit.

Marxism: you've got nothing to lose but your shit.

Conspiracy Theorism: THEY shit on us!

Psycho-Analysis: tell me about your shit.

Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.

Armish: Modern shit is useless.

Suicidal: I've had enough of this shit

Optimism: shit won't happen to me!

Trekism: to boldly shit where no-one has shit before.

Shakespearean: to shit or not to shit, that is the question.

Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

Terrorism: let's blow this shit up!

Freud: shit is a phallic symbol.

Lawyers: for enough money, I can get you out of shit.

Acupuncturists: hold still or this will hurt like shit.

Pharmacists: this will get your shit going.

Teachers: by the time I'm done with you, you will be able to shit linear equations!

Students: detention sucks like shit

Surgeons: stitch that shit up!

Electricians: shit goes off, shit goes on.

Plumbers: I'll get rid of your shit.

Politically-correct: internally processed, nutritionally-drained output happens.

Dog: I just shit in your shoe.

Cat: dogs are shit.

Mouse: Oh shit! a cat!

Einstein: shit is relative.

Newton: this shit is heavy!

Family Gathering: relatives are shit.

Materialism: whoever dies with the most shit wins!

Vegetarianism: if it shits then I don't eat it.

Fatalism: shit! Its going to happen!

Environmentalism: shit is biodegradable.

Americanism: who gives a shit.

Statistician: shit is 84.7% likely to happen.

Hip-hop: motherfucker this is the shiznit beatch!

Tantrism: fuck this shit.

Cynicism: we are all full of shit.

Surrealism: fish happens