13 questions THEY won't answer

1. Why do some Muslims believe that lying to a non-believer is not lying?

2. How many thousands of people are killed by prescription drugs every year?

3. Was the Wild West really all that wild?

4. Did Martin Luther King really oppose affirmative action?

5. What is the radiation level of a CAT scan?

6. Are lie detectors actually worthless for security screening?

7. When will the innumerable fakes in the world's museums be revealed to be fake?

8. Why did Pope Pius II, Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini write an erotic book?

9. Why does the US Government lie about the number of terrorism convictions It obtains?

10. If the Korean war ended, what do you call what they are doing now?

11. When did Virginia colonists stop practicing cannibalism?

12. What is a "Picnic Tool"?


13.  How many genetically engineered humans have already been born?

KONY2010

Do you know what's going on in the world?

Do you know whats going on in YOUR world?

You do - you claim to...

Do you know who Joseph Kony is?

You really don't know at all do you?







Watch it - It's worth the cap

...and by saying that i actually mean that its worth watching because you will see things you never thought to be possible.
It's actually worth more than you having your breakfast... its worth saving a child's LIFE!

The world as we know it is changing.

Do you know whats going on in your world?

Can you keep up with the change?

...or ARE you part of the change?

mOrninG peRsoN

Ever get one of those days where you really struggle to keep your thoughts in check (not as described in "Thought Process") like being 'zoned-out' or brain-dead... usually this happens to me between the time i wake up and when i get in my car to go to work, but i don't try to fight it on Sundays... I will do things like:


Open the cupboard into my forehead (yes, literally).


Put face-wash on my toothbrush.


Pour milk into the kettle once the water has boiled (and boy do i need that coffee!).


Try to use lipstick as eyeliner.


Turn the tomato sauce cap with the hope that ground pepper will come out at the bottom.


Try opening a bottle of wine with a can opener.
(I know what you're thinking; it's terrible to have alcohol so early in the morning...especially when you have no idea how to work a corkscrew and you have to ask your sister to open the bottles for you before she goes to work and your left stranded with two unopened bottles of Allesverloren Port!!!)


Make my bed, only to realize afterwards that I forgot the flat sheet around my neck.


Put my dirty dishes in the fridge instead of putting them in the dishwasher.


Re-organizing the fridge so that there is room for my dirty dishes.


Sticking my sunglasses into my eye four times before putting it on properly. (FOUR TIMES!)


Get caught putting my dirty dishes in the fridge and reply with : "It's not my fault!"


Push the gate's button until the battery goes flat, waiting for the car to finally unlock.


Same error with the garage remote, but at least i realize I'm wrong and i quickly switch it to automatic before that battery dies too!


Turning the radio volume up when the radio is actually off.


So now you all know your pretty normal...don't deny it. You do this kinda stuff all the time too!

whO's a cHubBy buNny?!

My Mother, Sister and I were all born within the same three days, and although we are worlds apart in personality and character, we share the three traits everyone seems to notice most.

We have the same sense of humour, the same self-induced joy and happiness and the same laugh.

Lulu and I where helping mom clean the kitchen after dinner one evening, when mom offered us some marsh-mellows... now at this point all three of us were stuffed to bursting point, as is the custom in my family and on top of that we had desert aleady (This does NOT mean any one of us has excess weight to prove that we overeat, because we metabolize our food too efficiently-which actually means that we aren’t over eating either...we just eat a LOT more than other people do)

So both my sister and I politely declined our share of the marsh-mellows(exactly as our mother had taught us to do in public) and then the smiling gave way to sputtering rage... an elaborate display by our dear mother, for entertainment purposes of course...

She ripped the tub of  sweets out from under out noses and glowered 

“Ungrateful children!” she hissed. “Must I do everything for you?!”

Lulu and I were frozen in place, uncomprehending.

Then she pushed a marsh-mellow into her mouth, contorting her face as though it were a frog

I looked at Lulu in time to see her flash me the same stunned expression.

Simultaneously we started to speak, eager to have the marsh-mellows if it would relieve our mother in any way, but before we could she protested:

“No, don’t worry! I will do it!” She couldn’t help smiling then “I will eat your desert for you!”

Once the realization hit that she was joking, we turned the joke back on her, stuffing the marsh-mellows into her mouth by the hand-full while chanting:

“Who’s a chubby bunny? WHO’S A CHUBBY BUNNY?!”

All three of us were red-faced with laughter when Dad returned to the kitchen.

Through the embarrassed explanations, I’m not sure whether he actually caught on to what we were saying, and I’m not sure if he really wanted to either...

dRinkiNg sKills

...also known as drinking problems, i guess...but it depends who's side you take.
I know a few people who think they have serious drinking problems simply because they CANNOT BEAR to have their dinner without the glass of Tall Horse Merlot (Note to dad: Not 'Tall Whores"!) this is not, according to me, classified as a problem or skill at all...it's completely normal!


Others have no problem with drinking whatsoever! They could do it the whole day every day without even complaining about the hangovers afterwards.Their friends and family on the other hand, have lots the ability to keep up and thus call him an alcoholic...this is known as the "Family-Drinking" problem.


Sadly the most common of drinking problems is considered a skill. When a man is able to prove his loyalty and dedication to his football team, simply by pointing out his beer belly...this is called the "Heavy-Drinking" problem.

Sometimes, more often when a guy of Latin decent introduces his girlfriend to his family for the first time, they are so excited that he isn't following in the footsteps of Enrique Iglesias by developing homosexual tenancies *** and/or the uncontrollable urge to sing like a girl (which would have scared the girlfriend off ages ago), that they go over board with the Sangria. This scares the girl off anyway and eventually the poor Latino bloke is forced into bringing either a guy or an alcoholic for the next attempt at dating... this is known as the "Drinking-Family"...and its definitely a problem!


Then there are the drinking skills...most of which can only be pulled off by a Mexican wearing a Sombrero...


Other people get alcohol poisoning from spiked drinks or mixing the wrong kind of drinks...but these Sombrero-wearing-show-off's get it because they ate too many agave worms after emptying the bottles...this is known as the "Worm-Drinking" Skill.

Ever heard a girl say: "Tequila is my best friend!'? Stay away from such girls. They are wild and insane and controlling you in all the bad ways and tequila is only her best friend until the next morning-then it becomes the jackass that put it's hoof through her head!
The outcome is known as the "No-Passout" Skill, where you actually succeed in drinking enough to kill yourself without passing out first...
Alternately, be sure to have her back home before she starts to hurl her lungs out...that way you would have achieved the "Played-No-Passout" Skill without becoming Suspect number one for her murder.


Then there's the "Mutated-Hangover-Survival" Skill...pretty self explanatory, usually happens when the "No-Passout" Skill is underachieved...


Finally there is the "GODDRINKS". I have yet to decide whether is should be counted as a skill or as a problem. The devil keeps telling me to make it a skill...


The "GODDRINKS" can only ever be achieved when you stroll into heaven with your poncho and half-drunk bottle(at this stage you would have lost your sombrero to some or other hot chick in stiletto's), after accidentally succeeding in the "No-Passout" during your attempt at the "Worm-Drinking" and/or "Played-No-Passout" Skill, and then you convince Saint Peter to let you into the pearly gates by saying that you HAVE TO deliver this half-empty bottle of Olmeca Gold to God so that he may punish it for making you sin!!!

How dare that bottle of Olmeca tempt you so!

***footnote: not that i believe Enrique Iglesias is really gay, but no legitimate evidence has been given to state the contrary... plus, he does really sing like a girl.

Farmgirl Looks

So I got to thinking the other day... where the hell did the sexy farmgirl/cowgirl look come from? according to my knowledge (which is pretty extensive when it comes to girls, seeing as i have personal experience being one and also life-long experience in the farming community) a farmgirl has way too much other stuff to do than to ever have time to fuss over hair and make-up... and there are just too many obstacles that can break nails and cause scratches and bruises.

... take for example our pets... my parents have 5dogs(3 are members of the family-the other 2 used to be too, but they now prefer living with my grandfather whom lodges in a flat on the same property, whom is actually dangerous in extremity! There are also 2ostriches, innumerable cats, a lot of fish, squirrels that don't pay rent (many other people feel the same way about rats) and a few thousand chickens...my parents live on a farm by the way...

To those of you who have never been on a farm, or whom lacks decent education, farms are no longer the same kind of thing you see in the movies...there's no overdose of tranquility as there is in the wide open field that i imagine you're imagining now, with the white lambs grazing and bonking in the distance... There are no immaculate oxen being herded by a younger, more muscled version of Robert Redford. There aren't any prancing ponies and brilliantly colored roosters cresting the roof to crow in the mornings... No this is not the film-industry's country-side.

This is the REAL world, where a farm-girl looks like chicken-shit almost as much as she smells like it... and to her that it the smell of money.

This is where you get dirty, really dirty and nothing about this kind of dirty turns anyone on (or at least not anyone sane)...

Chores and errands is something that takes up about one and a half hours of the average city-slicker-kid's life, yet they find something to complain about...

Now the kid who grows up on the farm has his life overruled by chores.

04:30 Eat breakfast, let the dogs in; feed the cats; turn the water-pump on; feed and milk the cows (12cows ought to do it); take them into the field to graze; brush the horses;  fill the truck with diesel; load the shavings and drive them to the chicken-houses; turn the irrigation on for the spinach, lettuce and marrows; fill the silo's; unlock the gates and farm-stall; turn the pack-house equipment on; feed the geese...etc.

08:00 school sucks!

14:10 Lunch.

15:00 Change the shavings in the stables; turn the irrigation on for the wines, apple orchard tomatoes and onions; feed the horses; get eggs, vaccinate the sheep; harvest the corn, oil the wind-mill; turn the compost heap, feed the pigs, hook the plow onto the tractor; feed the fish; milk the goat, level the driveway; pick the peppers, cashews and strawberries; weigh chicken mortality; pack out soap blocks; unhook the plow; spray the plum trees; wash the boots and overalls; load the chicken manure; barter the chicken manure...etc.

18:00 Homework.

19:00 Feed the dogs and ostriches; lock the gates and the farm-stall; berate grandpa for shooting at visitors(he likes to sit with his shotgun aimed at the driveway but then he falls asleep...when visitors arrive he starts awake and accidentally pulls the trigger-that's what i meant by saying he's "dangerous in extremity"...); turn off the pack-house equipment, water-pump and irrigation; take the cows and horses back into the stables; drain out the truck's diesel(otherwise it will get stolen by the kids who live on the farm next-door to use in their home-built go-cart racing); let the dogs out..etc.

21:00 beg for another glass of Shiraz.

22:00 Wind up stuffed and passed out on a bed somehow.

So to get back to the actual point of this blog...where the sexy farmgirl look comes from is deyond me!

Jack Swimming(odd sight)

So i rate it's about time i introduce myself properly to you all... you can call me Lex, i come from a tiny town in the driest, most unfriendly and also the most corrupt province in South-Africa...the hole of holes if you will...life for me obviously didn't start here but i'm not going to go further back than my current surroundings...i'm too lazy. Jack (my brother) and Mel(Jack's fiance) came to visit over the weekend in celebration of his Birthday...We went to a nature reserve which features a lake and campsite for fishing and boating and swimming and whatever you want a lake-side tent for... Jack was obviously there to swim(not that we don't have a pool in pristine condition back home...) because within 10minutes of your arrival he was swimming to the other side of the lake...During his absence the conversation went something like this:

LEX: Do you-guys think he is going to make it back?
MEL: Of course he will! i hope so...can you see him?
DAD: There he is...maybe we should have timed him...
MOM: Oh yes! That's a great idea! We'll have to do that when he starts swimming back!
LEX: IF he starts swimming back...
MEL: Does anyone feel raindrops?
MOM: Yes.
DAD: No.
LEX: Shall we start packing up then?
MEL: No! Where's Jack? Can you see him?
LEX: nope, maybe he got run over by a boat...
DAD: The wind is starting to pick up...Maybe we ought to get home soon.
MEL: No, what about Jack?!
LEX: He's already wet, Mel!
MEL: But we just got here...!
DAD: As did the rain...
MOM: Did anyone bring any towels?
DAD: No.
MEL: Oh i didn't think of that...
LEX: That's funny, considering you are ALL wearing swimsuits.
MOM: Im going to walk to the jetti...maybe Jack can hear us from there, Mel?
MEL: Okay, i'm coming.
DAD: Tell him to hurry up! ...Anyone seen the car keys?
MOM: Check between your legs, love.
DAD: Found them!
LEX: Well i'm going to sit in the car, no point hanging around with white pants on...
DAD: Ought to leave him behind, the walk home would do him good.
LEX: I don't think his smoker-lungs are going to last...
DAD: Well i sure as hell am not going to fetch him on the other side.
LEX: Don't worry, Mel will...She'll probably borrow one of these fishermen's boats.
DAD: And fish him out?
LEX: If she can find him... Watch that boat... i don't think they can see him in the water...
DAD: Oh yeah, that's not very good.
MOM: Look what I found! Those people having the picnic in the camp next to ours left foiled potatoes in the fire...anyone want one?
LEX: Are they still hot?
DAD: No love, you can't take someone else's food!
MOM: They left about 20minutes ago, i don't think they are going to drive back to get four potatoes
MEL: I'm fine thanks...
LEX:  Do we have salt and pepper?
MEL: Do you think the fishermen would let us borrow one of their boats?
LEX: No.
DAD: I wouldn't.
MOM: You need not worry about Jack, honey, he's a big boy now...
LEX: A big boy? really mom; i haven't noticed...
JACK: Did you see that?!
MOM: Yes my boy! you did great!
MEL: Thank god your back alive...
DAD: Actually we were just leaving so your right on time, Jack.
JACK: Aww, but we just got here dad!